We all know it. We stand firm in our lives as adults, we are satisfied with what is, we feel safe and secure till suddenly an unforeseen life change happens, such as a job loss, conflicts in our relationships, health problems, financial insecurity, loss of a loved one, pandemics, economic crises, etc..
But even smaller situations that trigger us, like a stupid sentence from your partner, a visit to our mother-in-law, a reckless driver etc. can cause us to lose our sense of security for a while.
Our brain reacts in such situations with a variety of processes. Uncertainty activates different brain regions and neurobiological systems that interact with each other to guide emotional and cognitive responses.
If we have not learned as children to have sufficient constructive coping strategies available in uncertain or stressful situations, the following processes, among many others, can be activated:
Increased amygdala activity: If previous experiences have been characterized by uncertainty or anxiety and we have not had effective strategies, this can lead to permanently increased activity in the amygdala, what makes us more susceptible to anxiety and stress in later, similar situations.
Disturbed development of the prefrontal cortex: The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for rational decision-making and impulse control, does not fully develop until adulthood. Negative experiences in childhood can affect its development, which can cause us to struggle to make rational decisions and deal effectively with uncertainty.
Long-term stress and HPA axis: Chronic childhood stress can affect the function of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenocortical (HPA) axis, which can lead to permanent overactivity and increased cortisol levels. This can lead to increased susceptibility to stress and anxiety in adulthood.
Negative memory patterns in the hippocampus: The hippocampus stores memories of past experiences. If these memories are predominantly negative and associated with uncertainty and stress, the hippocampus can automatically cause negative reactions in similar future situations.
Changes in the reward system: Negative previous experiences can affect the brain’s reward system. One might struggle to predict positive outcomes and therefore be more pessimistic or make risk-averse decisions in uncertain situations.
Not to mention all the effects on the nervous system, hormonal system and many other physical processes.
As adults, we often react unconsciously with hurtful strategies to master this uncertainty, such as avoidance, denial, self-sabotage, aggressiveness actively or passively, projection, withdrawal, perfectionism, rationalization, control compulsion and much more.
But now as adults, we can learn to break through these unconscious, hurtful patterns of behavior. Various approaches can be helpful here, among others:
Self-reflection: Becoming aware of your own behavioral patterns is the first step to change. Journaling or talking to trusted friends can help.
Therapy or Coaching: A therapist/coach can help identify deep-rooted fears and insecurities and develop constructive coping strategies.
Mindfulness exercises and meditation: Mindfulness and meditation techniques can help stay in the moment and regulate emotional responses.
Creativity: Giving the unconscious in creativity space to express itself gives us a healthy outlet to facilitate and balance emotions.
Social support: Building a strong social network can act as a buffer against stress and promote positive experiences.
Self-compassion and self-care: Developing kindness and understanding of oneself can help reduce the shame and guilt that often comes with insecurity. Self-care, including getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising regularly, can increase overall resilience.
Communication: Open and honest communication with others can reduce misunderstandings and strengthen relationships, so that we feel safe in them.
If we often find ourselves in the same hurtful patterns, we can learn to develop healthier and more positive behaviors and strategies that help us to deal better with uncertainty and stress and thus regulate the biologically triggered reactions more constructively.
Just recognizing and becoming aware of our patterns can be very helpful here.
If you would like support in dealing constructively with your reaction patterns, please feel free to contact me. I’m looking forward to it.
Text © Dana Gewinner
Pic by Dev Asangbam at Unsplash
